Friday, March 1, 2013

Warrior mom criminalized

Today I went to the school.

I signed in. The receptionist directed me to the BMC room. 223 on the second floor.
10 am
I slowly walked by the window of the door. The room was dark but I could see 2 students and the teacher Mrs.G. I heard them talking so I sat, to try and observe what was happening without interfering.

I hear Mrs.G asking questions about a movie they had just watched. Horton hears a who. She is asking comprehension questions to Emerson. He asks if he can have a snack. She says after he finishes the questions. The other boy gets up. She yells a little harshly at him and tells him that she is trying to help Emerson learn. He gets upset and says "You hate me!"
"No *other child's name* I love you. But I need you to sit down. Do you need to hug?" He cries for a little while. She keeps asking Emerson questions about the video but he isn't answering them so she asks him if he needs to watch it again. He says yes. He asks if he can have lunch.

I see another teacher walk down the hall toward me. He says he is the other BMC teacher, Mr.S. I tell him I'm trying not to disturb Emerson, just observe and I would love to talk to Mr.S about any interaction he's had with Emerson. He also walked me through the model of BMC. I was in info gathering mode. We talk and walk down stairs. Maybe 10-12 min pass. I go back upstairs. I listen for 5 or 6 more min. Mr. H the vice principle walks up.

Yes! I think, someone who wants to talk to me!

We chatted in the hall for a bit. The other child leaves? I duck to to the side so Emerson does not see me. I tell him I've heard Emerson ask for a drink or snack 4 to 5 in the past 50 min I've listening. I tell Mr.H that if he is hungry and thirsty he is more likely to have a melt down.



10:30
We started to walk down the stairs to go talk in his office. We started down the stairs, maybe 12-15 ft from the door. At this point Emerson was alone with Ms. G for at while, since the other boy left. Mr. H is talking to me.

I hear Emerson wail.

I rush back to the door and just listen for, I swear, EVER, but it may have just been a couple of min. I'm airing for her to back off, so he can recover. She keeps pushing. Mr. H told me to stay outside, while I heard Ms.G trying to continue to get him to do the reading lesson on the computer, even though he is completely inconsolable, sobbing. Major meltdown.

Mr.H," I know it's hard... - I don't think you should go in!-"

I ignore him and go in. Emerson is draped over the chair covering his ears and eyes. His head is buried in the crook of his arm, sobbing and wailing.
Ms.G "He doesn't want to do his work."
Me(I think, I was seeing a lot of red) "This is NOT okay. Absolutely not!"
I touch him and start talking to him. He doesn't even register it is me, he is that upset. He is breathing hard, heaving. He's having trouble talking, tears streaming down his face. I pull him in my lap and hug him while he wails and sobs for about 5 min. I wipe his tears away and ask if he wants a snack?
"Nooooooo......."
"Do you want some water?"
"Yeeees!"
"Okay are you ready to do your work now? Let's do our reading and then you can go to lunch?"
I looked at the clock. It was 10:40am
We tell him it is 20 min to lunch. Mr. H has been hovering near the door, in the hallway.

Emerson gets on the computer. He closes out the program more than once. I redirect him. I tell him to keep working and then he can go eat.

Mr. H asks me to go to the hall. Emerson gets upset because I'm leaving. I reassure him.
"I'm just going outside. I'm not leaving, I promise."

"Okay..." but he sits to do his reading.

I go to hall with the vice principle. He tells me,
"we have to go to my office now."

"I can't leave until I know he is okay."

I'm telling you now Mrs. Quigley, you have to leave and go to my office."

"I told Emerson I wouldn't leave. You want me to break my promise?"

"I'm sure he'll be fine. You have to come with me now though."

"I'm not leaving. Are you going to make me? You'll have to call the cops."

"Okay, I will." He gets on his radio and calls for campus police.

We stand in the hall way for a while longer. Mr.H tells me that I do not have the right to interfere with an ongoing lesson. He tells me that if I do not leave I will be banned from campus and face criminal trespassing charges. I told him I will not leave without my children.

My husband texts me:




Mr. H offered to get Emerson right then. I tell him I want him to eat and go to lunch. I know he is hungry. I'm trying my hardest to NOT disrupt his routine even after all of that. I only interfered when he was in massive distress. I understand meltdowns but pushing while they are in the throws of a HUGE breakdown??! That's just cruel. I will NEVER sit by and let that happen. The fact that was turned into a criminal act just.....ah.... I'm at a loss for words!!! I mean when did this turn into the twilight zone???!!


Emerson comes out because it's time for lunch. He's happy to see me but I know he is hungry,
"It's time for lunch but I will see you later okay? At 'goodbye time' we will get in the van with Meadow!"

"Okay! Bye momma I love you!"

" Alright Mr. H we can go to your office now"

To be continued...
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/mommy-buddy-behind-bars.html



39 comments:

  1. I love, I am with you. YOU ARE NOT ALONE!!!!!!!!!!!! and you are NOT a criminal!!! If they wanted what was best for the kid, they would be cooperative, not combative! OUR KIDS BELONG TO US first, not the school!

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  2. I'm stunned! I honestly expected it to be some crazy fight resulting from bullying or something, when I saw the photo on your fb page. You did NOTHING wrong and I honestly wouldn't have done a thing differently. How dare they treat you like you don't have the right to step in when it comes to your son. At the end of the day, they are paid with taxpayer's money to perform a service for you, not harm, bully or distress a child in a fragile time. GOOD FOR YOU for standing up for your boy and I'm sure it will be a story he appreciates later!

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  3. Horrifying! I probably would have had the cops called on me, too! Please follow up and let us know what happened! My son is in a good school right now for pre-k in the PPCD class, but it's not our home campus, and once he hits kindergarten next year, that class is not offered.

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  4. You SERIOUSLY need to get a hold of EVERY local Media (TV, Newsparer, radio) and see who will share this RIDICULOUS story! These people need to ALL be fired from their jobs and sued! I am SOOOOO, SOOOO sorry you have had to go through this! I would have done EXACTLY the same thing in your position!! Keep documenting EVERYTHING! SOMEBODY will share this story with the public, maybe even the whole country and HEADS WILL (and SHOULD) ROLL!!! You stand tough and fight for your boy!!! There are so many of us FIERCE Mamma Bears out there JUST like you! We got your back!!!!!

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  5. ABSOLUTELY unacceptable! You did the right thing!

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  6. WTF are wrong with people!!! You did the right thing!!!

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  7. omg they are nuts!! I would blast them to everyone in the area to let people know how they are treating kids. UGH!!! You should also call some people yourself like the Mayor or Senator or someone who might be able to do something. School board to report how they are treating them? UGH makes me sick!!

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  8. I agree with Lori, this should hit the media. If someone tried to do that to my daughter, I would do exactly as you did.

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  9. Hit. The. Media. Call the cops superiors. Hire a lawyer. Do whatever you need to do. Period. My blood is boiling reading this.

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  10. It's a good thing I homeschool! :D Sorry you and your sweet kiddo had to deal with that!!!!

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  11. I got your back momma! You should definitely report it to the media, the local representatives (all of them!) and anywhere you can get this out to. This is NOT acceptable! This is NOT a free APPROPRIATE education (FAPE). They can't just remove you for doing what was right. If someone did that to us I'd go 50 shades of crazy on them. Love you!!

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  12. Can believe that they acted this way (unfortunately) and agree with above postings that you were right in acting the way you did. Hoping that somehow justice is served. We must protect our children! Hugs. <3

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  13. I would pull him from that school!!!! God only knows how they treat him when your not around :(

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  14. I am so sorry you were treated so disrespectfully. Obviously the teacher was triggering the meltdown and wasn't paying attention to his cues. Bless his heart. I agree with the ladies you should absolutely contact all the media you can and get the word out about how atrociously you were treated.

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  15. I hope you have all the support you need to be really strong in this. You need to talk to a lawyer and open a lawsuit. This is a parents' rights issue.

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  16. *hugs* any good mother (or father) wouldve done the same thing had they been in your situation, how you were treated was wrong in every sense of the word!! I, like others, wonder what goes on when you are not around! Do not let them win this war warrior mom!!! Keep your head up and keep fighting the good fight, you have lots of support!!!

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  17. OH HELL NO. What were you thinking when you left him there????? NO NO NO. Pull him from that school, get a lawyer and teach those bastards WHO is in charge- because its YOU, not them- YOU are the BOSS of his education, YOU drive the IEP, YOU decide if they are doing right by him or not YOU have the right to assess how he is being taught- OH HELL NO. HOW DARE THEY. Sweetheart, where do you live, because in my world,????OH HELL NO.

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  18. As a police officer I am cringing waiting for the second half of this....

    I also agree with the entries that say you should definitely lodge a complaint with the higher ups controlling that school. How dare they try and dictate when you can and cannot be with your son! I wouldn't have left either. Way to stick to your guns momma

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  19. Wow, Bloodyhell. You sound like an expert. Why don't you tell us about your experience as a parent of a special needs child?

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    Replies
    1. Before I had children I had all the answers too.

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  20. Bless your heart. You seriously need to homeschool! Who better to teach a child with a disability, than the one who knows him best--his mother.

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  21. That was unacceptable!! The school seems to think that they are the bosses but really they are the employees! YOU are in charge of your child at all times. AT ALL TIMES! I was told this by the school my son goes to. "You have the right to remove your child at any time." I think you need to find a new school. Your son deserves better than that.

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  22. I have had similar situations at my child's elementary school. This type of barbaric behavior comes from a belief that the school staff are "professionals" and once your child walks through that door, "they know best"... which is ridiculous. Even the most highly trained of special education teachers don't know your child's cues like you do. And if they were really concerned with seeing learning PROGRESS in your child, they would listen to YOU and YOUR CUES.

    Good for you for standing up. Don't let those school officials bully you. I wouldn't let them bully me, we changed schools within the district and we are ALL better off with a fantastic school now!

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  23. My heart goes out to you and well done. I only hope I show the same courage if faced with a similar situation.

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  24. I too as a mother of 3 would NOT have just stepped away. I have an autistic daughter, 13 yrs old. The first school she went to, the teacher bluntly said that my daughter was not teachable and she could not DEAL/HANDLE autistic kids anymore. So she is now going to a better school where she is well respected and loved.

    God Bless you mama.

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  25. WOW!!! I am now so appreciative of the fact that my 8 year old Autistic son goes to a loving caring special school!!! Can you make a complaint. No parent should have to go through that. That is totally uncalled for!

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  26. This is making me sick and the story isn't over but I'm sure it won't end well! That's just the world we live in - where men are from Mars, women are from Venus and special needs children are from "Outer Space"! I say call Bob Woodward who just might have the courage to take on a specially needy cause!

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  27. eek i feel for you...im new to autism ....my son soon to be 3 is to start preschool in may. I should be happy but im not and no one gets it

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  28. Sounds like a really good time for an IEP! Can't believe the school reacted in this way! Way to go... sticking up for your kids primal needs! Learning is best done when all body systems are ready don't these educators get this? I would have taken my son and never looked back. Find another school who has compassion and your son will soar!!

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  29. BLOODYHELL, MOMMY BUDDY, YOU DID THE RIGHT THING,KEEP YOUR ROLL GOING AND YOUR HEAD UP. I HAVE TWO AUTISTIC CHILDREN, ONE I HOMESCHOOL, THE OTHER IN PUBLIC SCHOOL. SOAK UP THE SUPPORT YOU GET HERE, IGNORE THE UNEXPERIENCED,AND KEEP FIGHTING THE GOOD FIGHT. WE WILL HAVE TO TILL THEY PUT US IN THE GROUND. I'M SURE YOU WERE SCARED, BUT BRAVERY ONLY COMES WHEN WE ARE SCARED AND DO THE RIGHT THING ANYWAY.

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    1. Inexperienced would be the teacher "managing" my son. I looked up her credentials and she does not have Autism training.

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  30. Sounds like you did what needed to be done and the school has NO idea how to deal proactively with a meltdown in the making. I sincerely hope your son gets the teacher and education he deserves and less of this BS!!
    <3

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  31. Thank you all for these lovely responses!! I love each and everyone of them <3

    Except

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    1. Except bloodyhell. What a douch canoe.
      I mean really how many comments do you need to leave? I'm not gonna fight with you, and I don't care what you think.

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    2. Till you have a child that has autism you will NEVER understand.. so I suggest bloodyhell that unless you walk a mile in our shoes keep your negative opinions to yourself. You have NO idea therefore your opinion is worthless.

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  32. I'm with you, Mama. I have four kids on the spectrum, and I would do exactly what you did. Any mom, especially of a kid on the spectrum, would have done the same. Years from now, when your son looks back at this time period, he will remember the love you showed him and the comfort you provided. And THAT'S what really matters. Stay strong!

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  33. I am at a complete loss for words !! Leroy and Sue

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  34. You did what anyone with feelings has and you did the right thing sometimes people push people a little too far with out really trying to understand.

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  35. I had almost the same exact type of incident happen to me as well. However, in my case, the district has made efforts to go even further. So I feel your pain, I understand how it feels.

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