Friday, March 1, 2013

Mommy Buddy behind bars....

....not really but it sure felt that way!

Me and Vice Principal Mr.H are walking down the stairs to his office. I was totally blown away that I had remained as calm as I had, meaning I had not cursed and had not raised my voice to ANYTHING it was aching to do.

"What do I do? Withdraw my son?"

"You have that right but you have to leave after the campus police get here."

"If I'm banned then they are too."
He's silent.
I look at him and say, stone face, "You have made a huge mistake Mr. H. This is a collosal overreaction on your part...."

"I disagree."

He refused to talk to me again until we reached his office but the look he gave me....I don't think he had let it sink in. I had challenged him, and then called his bluff.

He made sure to inform me that I would  not be allowed on campus until/if the administration for the district decided to let me. He said that I was facing criminal trespassing charges. He handed me a tissue.

As we sat down he started to go over, a little, the reason I had come, the communication...or lack there of.
"You see the sheet you sent in is just not the right format. We need to have a conference with everyone involved so we can determine what will work best."

"Oh you mean the conference we(Meaning the principle, his boss and Emerson's teachers) are having a two? The one that I can no longer attend without further breaking the law?"

"Yeah you're going to have to call Ms.S(principle) and work that out."

"...You want ME to call her and tell her we can't meet? because you decided I needed to be banned?? You want me to ask her if we should MEET AT Starbucks or something??"

"...Or I could call her."

"Good idea...
      ...no. On second thought, my husband will be attending THAT meeting, ya know since I don't want to be arrested."

At this point the two nice officers came in.

"Ma'am you understand that you broke the law and are being charged with criminal trespassing?"

"I guess....but if I was really in trouble why didn't you call the real cops? Bexar county sheriff?"

"Ma'am we are the real cops. If Bexar county had been called they would have wanted to know where we were."

"Well you can charge me with whatever you want. I didn't do anything wrong."

"But you did ma'am. This man here is pretty much the law. If he tells us you would not comply with him then we do what he says. The law gives him that right."

"Do you know what Autism is."

"Yes"

I explained what happened

"...I did nothing wrong and I'd do it again."

"No ma'am you won't. You will be charged and arrested."

"Okay so this back and forth? We are arguing about my OPINION?? You're not going to change my mind. I did nothing wrong. Period.You can not arrest me for my opinion. Arrest me if you want but my opinion is not against the law."

We all fall silent for a few minutes...

"This is comical..." I say quietly, sort of to the chair next to me as I dry my drippy face.

"I disagree Mrs.____"

"Well, I guess I'm just more morose than you Mr. H"

A few more min pass...I turn my phone on silent and take a picture of the officers. I still can't believe this is REALLY happening....

Mr. H:
"Okay I have some things I have to take care of so you need to wait in the lobby."

"...okay..." I get up. I see one of Emerson's aids. She gives me a look like "What is going on??"

I walk into the hall with both cops behind me, "I'm being arrested!" I say loudly, the loudest I have spoken as of yet and probably the only time up until now that could be considered impulsive.

The "younger" gets in front of me, my nose to his chest.

"That is your SECOND warning. You won't get another."

"I'm sorry....where are my children? I thought I was banned?"

I go to the lobby and wait for the kids. From my text I know my husband jetted out of work and is on his way.

Now I have to sit and silently cry where people can see me. Great.

Emerson arrives. He doesn't like seeing me upset so I try to hold it together. We just need Meadow and then we can bolt.

The principal surprisingly arrives and calls me back to the conference room. I have Emerson in tow. The officers are in there and so is Mr. H. Mrs.S starts going over how I was wrong, but I am NOT banned from campus, just for the rest of the day, she can not stress that enough....about as much as Mr. H stressed that I was banned and being charged. This is bringing it all back, threatening my fragile calm.  It's a blur after this. A few minutes later my husband shows up. This is where I start to loose it.
The VP and the principal are both trying to convince me that I was wrong and that I was being confrontational.  They continue to talk over me, but I'm the one being confrontational?   I asked the principal if she were in my shoes,  would she have been able to just walk away?  She agreed that she probably would not have been able to. 

The next few minutes are  a bit of a blur with the two of them trying to get me to see their point.  A point I don't agree with.  After it became clear to them that their approach STILL wasn't working,
 the principal said something like
 "Well I tried." with a hint of irritation and superiority.
"Are you kidding me?! You tried? You TRIED?? ((I)) TRIIIED!!!! These fine officers back here are a very LARGE reminder of THAT!!"

Now the principal is telling me that I need to calm down.  I turn to the VP and talk directly to him.  I tell him that I need him to answer a question.  I asked him if my level or irritation and my behavior RIGHT NOW in the moment inside the conference room was the worst he had seen from me.  I was trying to prove a point that I had BEEN calm. All Mr. H. could do was stare, then say "I don't see how that's relevant right now."

I told them both  "I WAS leaving!  I was TRYING to leave, but you had me come back into this room, just to re-open a fresh wound?" 

Both the kids were ready and the conversation was CLEARLY not making any progress.
  I knew it was time to leave.  My husband and I grabbed our kids and left the school, trying so hard to keep my composure until I was in the van.As we walked outside I saw the police car and decided to take a pic of myself in front of it. I let my self cry with that symbol in the back ground so I will never forget how today felt.

I got in the van and called MY mama.



35 comments:

  1. My heart aches for you. You should not have been treated that way, not then, not ever.

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  2. Who the hell do these people think they are? This guy is the law around here? What, he has set himself up as tinpot dictator and god in his little kingdom? This is WRONG. Whatever they say, you ARE RIGHT and they are WRONG. You did nothing that deserved this treatment. Nothing.

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  3. They are bullies. I am outraged for you. It's abuse- complete disrespect to you, and abuse to your child if they are pushing him to his breaking point. I hope you find a solution that will work for you. I pulled my own son from brick-and-mortar school to do public cyber school due to similar circumstances. I wish you luck!

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  4. Wow. I am so sorry that you AND your child were treated that way. I would definitely take this to the media and not take the kids back there. Heck, ask the media if you should report this to the police yourself.

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  5. I am so very sorry honey. They were absolutely WRONG from start to finish - you did NOTHING wrong and everything right. I didn't see where you're located - but if you're anywhere near us, we will be there physically to give you support. If you're too far away, we are there in spirit and love. I'm so sorry honey. It ever should have happened. What a sorry, bitter @sshole H is, and S is a cold, wretched hag.

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    1. Not trying to be a jerk or anything but can you explain to me where she was in the wrong? She was being told to leave because she went in and calmed her child. It was her child, she has that right! If any of my kids' schools did that to me....I would be in jail because I am not going to let anyone tell me that I can't come in and comfort my child. And than to call the police because of it? That is a load of crap! So again.....where is she in the wrong? I honestly want to know.....

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    2. Do you have a child with special needs? I know that may seem like a dumb question to you, but I can't imagine a parent with a special needs child telling someone else they didn't have the right to be there. I have never experienced that at any of my kids' schools. If I have been there and my child has had a meltdown or anything, I have always calmed them and the teachers have never given me hell about it. Whether or not she was being a distraction, that is still her child and she still has the right to help him. Any mother in that situation would do that....if I see the teacher is not able to calm my child, than I am sorry but I would rather go in and calm him than him have a full blown melt down over nothing. I find it pretty rude for them to get upset with her for calming her child down so that he would cooperate and do what the teacher asked of him. Why would anyone need to have a problem with that? I would think that they would be greatful so that they can get done what they were trying to do. And they can take a lesson from mom of what is going to calm him and what isn't. Instead of asking her to leave, they should have asked her about other ways to calm him so that they can try and implement that into their teaching environment for him. And not only that but at the point that he was starting to have a meltdown, it was only him and the teacher in the room....so there wasn't any other child for her to be a distraction to, so that argument is invalid since the fact that she wasn't being a distraction to her child, she was helping him. If the teacher was distracted than that is the teacher's problem.....you should never blame a parent for trying to care for their child.

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    3. A distraction from the abuse going on? I can live with that.

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    4. Bloody hell is bloody wrong. From what I read here this mother knows quite a bit about what it is to deal with a child like hers. Parent's are not guests at school unless you're in one of those authoritarian states (mostly in the south)

      The doctor's office analogy is way off the mark. School staff are not doctors and even then doctors are not the last word. A parent and a doctor relationship is one very much tilted in favor of the parent.

      If this is the schools standard way of dealing with parents who ask for communication they are obviously coming up short.



      Leaving your kid at school does not mean you delegate all authority to the school.

      Don't ever assume the staff knows what they're doing. If there is good management and good staff they won't mind most of the involvement of parents.

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    5. Bloodyhell, I'm not sure what the laws are like where you're from, but where I'm from the parent has almost total control in their child's education. (There are some limitations on this, like truancy and other larger issues that would require that the parent take alternative steps, but those aren't the issue here.) This exact same situation could've went down at my son's school and they wouldn't have had a leg to stand on if they'd called the cops on me.

      We're talking about a situation where one teacher and one student were in a room alone. It wasn't a room full of kids to be distracted (and if you don't think a meltdown is distracting, you obviously have never seen one!) The assistant principal says, "I don't think you should go in." That statement implies opinion -- not an order. She diffuses a major meltdown, which I'm sure the teacher appreciated, and her reward for making everyone's lives easier that day is to be told she has to leave.

      I'm gathering from your previous posts that you haven't dealt with autism before, so let me explain to you that consistency is VERY important. She promised him she'd be there when he was finished, and things would've been very difficult for him if she had left before he saw her again.

      Also, the meltdown itself: these are uncontrollable. These don't happen because the child is spoiled or being a brat. This is something that completely overtakes a child and it's not always easy to calm them down. So to offer no relief to that child and then exacerbate the situation by making demands on him is completely cruel. She absolutely did the right thing by stepping in!

      Things aren't black and white when dealing with special needs children, and the sad fact is that most schools aren't prepared to deal with the demands of these little ones. Even with all my son's school's faults, they welcome parent involvement. You'd think this school would feel the same.

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    6. First of all Bloody Hell you never answered my question of if you have a special needs child? And second of all.....Where are you from? I have a feeling it isn't from the United States because if you were, than you would know that we as parents have every RIGHT to be in the school where our children are and we as parents have every RIGHT to help with our children. I also think you need to go back and re read what she wrote. Yes she hid so that he didn't see her so that he would cooperate with his teacher. The other child that was in the room had already left the room by the time she got in there to calm her child and he wasn't having a meltdown because he saw her....she was already down the hall when he started having a meltdown. Go read the blog that is titled Warrior mom is criminalized. Also if I am at a doctor's office and they aren't doing something right with my child...you are damn right I am going to tell them to do it differently. When I take my child somewhere I don't give them the right to completely take over and be their parent and decide everything for them. That is why there are IEP's, so that the parent is involved and has a say in their child's education.

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  6. WOW!!! Some guy Mr. H is....I guess he really wanted to be a cop or something "He is the law around here"?!?!?!?! Give me an Effin' Break. and the "Well, I tried" what an a...hole!

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  7. no one and I repeat NO ONE has the right to tell you that you can't fight for your child! They do not have the right to forcefully tell you that they know your child and how to handle him better than you! ESPECIALLY an autistic child. You had every right there to be there, you had every right to intervene when they weren't handling his meltdown correctly. They bullied you into a position to try and victimise you, using you as an example to all other mums is what it appears like to me. You know what it has done mama? It has made you a heroine in the eyes of each of us mums who face this every day. GO YOU!! STAND TALL!! FIGHT FOR YOUR BABY BOY TO BE TREATED WITH THE RESPECT AND DIGNITY HE DESERVES AND SCREW EVERYONE ELSE!... Much love from a mum of an autistic princess who has also had to fight the school when being told how to treat my child!

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  8. That seems to me like all out bullying....if it were me, my children would be pulled from that school immediately! I would not send them back with ppl that act like that. I am so sorry you had to endure that! ((hugs)) momma!

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  9. I am so sorry for you all. The school and staff have failed at the most fundamental level... to build trust. Dedicated parents are a childs fortress. without trust no good work can be done and there will be no progress. Trust has to be built it is not a thing anyone hands out...it is the responsibility of the school.
    Good luck to you and you children I hope you find a placement that serves you better.

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  10. THIS is comical! Like a weird alternative universe kind of comical where right is wrong and wrong is right. Don't get me wrong... it isn't comical "funny haha" Just WHAAAAAAAAAAT???

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  11. You are AWESOME!!! I really don't think educators know how to properly handle children with Autism. I had to pull my son out of a program that was supposed to be helping him, but they were doing more harm then good. We are now home and online schooling, im convinced that with Gods guidance he will get a better education at home.

    My prayers go out to you and your family, stay strong and continue to keep you head up, you are the best advocate for your son. God bless you honey, you inspire us all.

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  12. I can't imagine living through that moment. I have been home schooling my son for 2 years because of a lack of compassion from the school. His teacher called him a "worthless little freak" in front of his entire class. The principal wouldn't even take my call and the district, after being pushed and begged and threatened, offered to move him to a school an hour away from home for "troubled" students. My son has Asperger's. It took us 6 1/2 years to get a diagnosis because no one even believed there was something wrong with him. He is extremely high-functioning, he is always calm and never has meltdowns. He is not aggressive. He has never been in trouble at school or at home. I hope you are able to get this worked out and I hope you are able to get the support your family needs. We shouldn't have to beg and plead to get our children an education and more importatly a little compassion.

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  13. I can't believe this...I would have punched his face in that way I really have a reason to be arrested. I would just have grabbed my son and taken him home. Sorry you experienced this and I'm going to share it, something needs to be done.

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  14. Those who think she did something wrong in insisting on parenting her child, well you're pretty nicely assimilated aren't you? Schools have custody of our kids when they're in school. They have legal rights to enforce control however they please, by withholding food and water and bathroom breaks. Those are the nice methods; at least it wasn't restraint or seclusion this time. This isn't really humanity.

    "Mommy Buddy" I'm a mother of a child with Autism, and if you want to talk about homeschooling you can send me a message.

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  15. This is utterly - totally and completely ..... (insert a lot of profanities and outrage) .... It's unbelievable that it went this far. You were in the right. Totally and completely in the right - and the school is pissed off that you stood up for your kid, that's all there is too it.

    I homeschool my older two children because of school issues with them - and my son (who has Autism) is 5 years old (almost 6) and in the school system along with his younger (4 years old) brother who is in pre-school. I am always on the verge of just straight homeschooling all of my children.... but right now I am happy with their teachers and progress so I won't. But trust me - if ANYTHING tips that scale, I won't hesitate.

    (This is My Unique Flowers on Facebook)

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  16. MEDIA, MEDIA, MEDIA!!!! Take notes, keep pics. Good you have it all fresh!!! Time for SOMEBODY to out these idiots in THEIR place!!!

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  17. Hang in there, momma! Nothing wrong at all about maternal instinct. Any mother who wouldn't want to rush in to see her obviously distraught child is NO a mother at all.

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  18. Given the principal's "well I tried" comment I have to wonder did they end up charging you? I am so sorry that you had this experience I have had my own run ins during 401 meetings, the whole process is exhausting.

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  19. I love you Mommy Buddy. We'll bombarde them and the press there with letters of Outrage! Just tell us who to send them to. We are ON this!!!

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  20. I am sorry but I am a parent of a child on the autism spectrum and I agree with bloodyhell. She could have removed her son from the school and very well SHOULD have if she truly believed he was being abused. Her manifesto email just illustrates to me that she is overbearing and probably tries to make the school conform to doing everything her way. Well this is public school you are dealing with and it just doesn't work that way. I took my son out and homeschooled him. End of story. Texas public schools just don't have resources allocated to properly handle kids on the autism spectrum. But the real kicker for me that told me this chick is probably a bipolar drama queen was that ridiculous picture of her crying in front of the cop car. Really? Get it together woman. I am willing to bet there is more to the story and I would like to hear from the teachers and faculty about it. My guess is she spends exorbitant amounts of time interrupting the classroom and dictating to everyone how to do their jobs better. Taxpayers fund public schools... taxpayers who are homeowners that is. If you want to be a control freak, go start your own charter school (assuming you are even qualified) or homeschool your kid. You obviously have the time or you wouldn't be writing 2 hour long emails and hanging around on campus until they threaten to have you arrested and banned from coming back. Get over yourself. Geez.

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    1. You are just as wrong as bloody hell. We are all taxpayers even those who don't own homes. Guesses don't count. What does your analysis say about you? You an expert on bipolar illness? Texas? There's part of the problem.

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  21. First off, I should mention that I live in Canada, so perhaps rules are different here.... but.... I was employed by an Education Authority and a school division for many years as a behaviour coach and am a mother of a special needs child... When I was employed, the division and myself were always more than welcoming to any and all parents attending the schools during class times... who better to learn from than the parents/guardians of the child? I didn't live with them 24/7.. it would have taken months, maybe years to learn what excites and calms a child, as every child is unique, even those with identical diagnosis... before I joined the school division (and they had no idea of my qualifications) they would call me to come to my child's class to observe and offer any advice on how to deal with outbursts/issues..... I believe parents of daycare children are encouraged to "drop in" unannounced to see the daily workings of the institution, why would this not be encouraged for school aged children? especially those with special needs that may have communication issues? this boggles my mind!! the school most definitely handled this inappropriately.... NEVER attend a meeting or a classroom with out another person!! The school always sends two or more agents to meetings, you should too! I apologize if this is kind of "here and there", but I am just so upset, I am so, so sorry this happened to you... my heart hurts....

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  22. I'm sorry you're having to deal with all of this, and I applaud you for keeping a calmer facade than I would've. Because to be honest I would have snapped from the moment I heard my child wailing after I specifically told a school employee that when my child is thirsty/hungry they are more prone to breakdowns and they do nothing but allow it to continue. From what you have posted, even if you are paying, I think this school will be detrimental to your family and son. Clearly they don't have quite the grasp on how to handle children with autism.
    I am from Canada so I do feel this would have went a bit more in my favor here but you have support from the great white north! Shared the first part of the story on my facebook!

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  23. That principal or VP or whatever he is... He's a bully - a pure and simple bully. I've met people like him. They think they should have the final word on everything.

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  25. That's ridiculous. Although they supposedly knew what autism is, I highly doubt they actually had any personal experience with it. My heart aches for you.

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  26. That's ridiculous. Although they supposedly knew what autism is, I highly doubt they actually had any personal experience with it. My heart aches for you.

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