Why I do what I do

I remember back a million years ago, to the end of 2008 or so. My son was about 16 months and it was becoming obvious...he was different. He was so laid back and not at all demanding so it was easy to brush off my fears and say "He's fine. Boys are just less clingy right?"
Wrong.
These were the early days. My mother was pushing me to find out what was up with him. He wouldn't really respond to his name and wasn't talking at all among other weird things. His babble was this crazy alien babble and bar codes were like the coolest thing on the planet. Something was going on, but what?

"I just need something I can google!!"
My mother would chime over and over again.
Finally she usurped my authority and emailed Easter Seals. I'd like to say I was a graceful, proactive mom who called ECI myself about my 18 month old and my concerns, but no. My Mama did. He started services immediately, January of 2009 at 19 months for speech delays. He soon qualified for occupational therapy and the A word started floating around. Again it was my mom who kept going back to it, while I tried to ignore it, like a buzzing gnat. I have to say my mom kept me sane in those days. I started getting google happy myself. It seemed like the only outlet to the HEAVY question mark that floated around my sweet baby boy's head. What was going on with him??

In those early days I tried so hard to find people going through the same thing. Having the same fears. I know lables Get a bad rap but It's almost like a kind of purgatory not having one. Not knowing why your baby isn't like all the others. Feeling that crushing question mark permeating every aspect of your family's future, because let's face it, your mind will go to the worst possible place when given free reign.

I would write here and there when I found that the pressure was going to make me burst or pop some other much needed valve. We ended up lucky and only had about a 6-8 month wait to get in to see the developmental pediatrician. My sweet 27 month old BABY was given an official diagnosis of High Functioning Autism and Sensory Processing Disorder. I can remember after they told me, looking at me I guess waiting for me to break down. All I could feel was this inappropriate laughter bubbling out. That question mark was gone!! Albeit replaced by a puzzle piece but that at least meant a direction to move in, a group of people to seek out... Something to freakin GOOGLE!

After that, over the years I kept thinking about that awful time, before the diagnosis. That was the loneliest, most frightening time of my life. After that I would randomly meet a new parent, see the effects of the heavy question marks that had so recently been all over my face and end up pouring my heart out to them, knowing exactly where they were and just how hard not knowing was. I would describe our experiences and see how just hearing that truly helped. It made me want to help more.

It wasn't until 2011 that Mommy Buddy from the planet Autism was born. I would call Emerson buddy so much that one day he looked at me and said "Mama... Buddy?" He always seemed like an alien being, to be figured out, but bound to me, like I was supposed to be his liaison to the world and help him understand it. And vise versa.

So I finally had a place to compile all of my word doodles and observations in one spot, rather than lose sheets of paper that ended up as the back of scribble MASTERPIECES.

Over the last year and a half I have connected more than I ever thought possible. I had no idea Mommy Buddy would become my life line. I have met SO many wonderful people and formed REAL bonds. Whenever I see a brand new page start I feel overwhelmingly motivated to help them. Give them the opportunity others gave me, because I can see that they too are addicted to that feeling of need. NEED to help the parents still in that purgatory, still living shrouded in the worst fears for their child. And the ultimate feeling of community and FAMILY that comes from being a member of the "I love an Autist" club. Like any family we have our issues, we fight over things we all feel passionate about, but we support each other like nothing else. I'd say that is the very most unsung benefit after diagnosis. Our community makes me feel like I have an army behind me where ever I go and together we can truly change the world for the better.

The schools response...

I received this response on Wednesday March 13th, 12 days after witnessing my 5 year old son being subjected to gross emotional stress by an inexperienced teacher, intervening while the vice principle tried to stop me, then being banned by campus police and threatened with criminal trespassing charges....
Here is what I received in 3 parts(it's long....but lacking so much)

"March 13, 2013

Dear Mrs. Quigley,

This letter serves as my response to your inquiry about the events of March 1, 2013. I understand that you are unhappy with the events of that day, as they relate to your visit to the campus, and Mr. H's ultimate decision to contact law enforcement that morning. In an effort to fully understand what occurred, and to provide you with a response, I have investigated this situation. As part of my investigation, I reviewed the statements of Mr. H's, Ms. G and yourself, the NISD police report, and also spoke with other staff members who witnessed or reported some related events. Enclosed with this letter are the statements from Mr. H and Ms. G.

Review of Events:

I determined that on Friday, March 1, you checked in with the office staff at 9:56 am and received a visitor’s badge from the Raptor system per NISD policy. You indicated that you were going to observe Emerson in the BMC setting. At 10:19 am the office received a call from a teacher stating that an adult whom she did not recognize was walking the hallway and looking in classrooms. This hallway is not located near the BMC classroom. Upon inquiry I confirmed that the reported individual’s description matched your appearance. Similarly, there were no other authorized campus visitors at this time.

At approximately 10:30 am, Mr. S reported to Mr. H that you were sitting on the floor outside the BMC classroom listening at the door. He also stated that you had asked him questions regarding his role on campus and Emerson’s behavior. Mr. H then proceeded to go upstairs to speak with you and answer any questions you may have. He reported that he offered you the opportunity to enter the classroom, but that you preferred to remain in the hall.

After a few minutes of conversation between you and Mr. H, you overheard Emerson became upset in the classroom. During our meeting on March 5, 2013, you stated that you also overheard Ms. G's tone and direction to Emerson to “sit down” and to “get to work” and you believed that it was necessary for your to enter the classroom at that point. While you reported that Ms. G's tone was “harsh,” Mr. H did not perceive any reason to enter the classroom. Against Mr. H's request for you to remain in the hallway, you entered the classroom. Once in Ms. G's classroom you interacted directly with Emerson, lifting him onto your lap and holding him and speaking with him. Ms. G indicated that she was uncomfortable with the situation. Mr. H advised her to step aside and allowed you time to comfort Emerson. Once Emerson was returning to instruction, Mr. H invited you to speak with him in the hallway.

You accepted Mr. H's request to leave the classroom, but refused Mr. H's request that you leave the hallway area and accompany him to the office to discuss your concerns further. You were adamant that you did not want to leave the hallway. Mr.H attempted to further explain that your actions were disruptive and that you should leave the area. You became defiant and raised your voice to a level such that other students in the hallway appeared to be alarmed. You stated that if Mr. H found it necessary to call for NISD police support, it would be the only way you would leave the area. You confirmed this when we spoke on March 5. During this time your tone was angry and you used a raised voice. Mr. H contacted the office staff and a call to NISD police dispatch was made. A few minutes before 11:00, I received a call from the office staff alerting me to the situation. I left a District training to return to campus.

At approximately 10:50, Emerson left the classroom for lunch and you and Mr. H began the walk to his office. During the walk your tone tone was angry and you continued to use a raised voice. Upon reaching Mr. H's office you expressed your concerns about campus communication and Emerson’s IEP schedule. The two of you conversed about your concerns until the police arrived. The police officers advised you that your compliance with administrative requests were expected. The police officers concluded that your conduct in failing to comply with Mr. H's directive while on campus would support the issuance of a criminal trespass warning or arrest.

When I arrived on campus, you were waiting in the office lobby. I reported immediately to Mr. H's office and spoke briefly with both the police officers and him about the events. Mr. H and I asked that the police offers not pursue a Criminal Trespass Warning. I concluded that the sitautation would best be handled if you were asked to leave campus for the remainder of the day and we could speak after the weekend and reschedule the conference we had planned for 2:00 PM that day. It was not my intention to ban you from the campus or prevent you from returning for the remainder of the year. I asked you to join me in the conference room so that I could explain this to you. The police officers and Mr. H were present as well. I attempted to explain how the behavior was disruptive to the school environment. You stated that you felt Mr. H responded inappropriately. Emerson was brought to the office during our conversation. Your husband also arrived on campus at around this time and joined us. During this time your tone remained angry and loud, and as you acknowledged, more angry than it had been in your earlier exchange with Mr. H. I indicated that it was time for you to leave. Your husband indicated that he would return at 2:00 so that we could hold the conference with Emerson’s teachers as planned.

Conclusions:

In considering the totality of events that occurred during your visit on March 1, I believe that you did not immediately report to the BMC classroom, although you had indicated that was your intended destination. This was a violation of our campus expectations for visitors. Once you arrived at the BMC classroom door, you did not enter the class, but instead chose to sit in the hallway. The presence of a unfamiliar adult, sitting on the hallway floor, listening through a classroom door would be disturbing for some students and creates a distraction and concern for other teachers and administrators who may have observed you. When you were given the opportunity to enter the classroom by Mr. H, you declined.
Once you and Mr. H overheard Emerson, Mr. H concluded that your presence in the classroom at that moment woud interfere with Ms. G's efforts to redirect Emerson. Mr. H appropriately directed you to remain outside the room, but you did not comply with this.

Although you acted against Mr. H's request, once in the classroom, he permitted you to interact with Emerson even though it intered with Ms. G's efforts. Once Emerson was re- engaged in the classroom activity, Mr. H appropriately requested to talk with you at another location, rather than the classroom.

You defied Mr. H and indicated that the only way you would leave the hallway would be with the involvement of law enforcement. Upon my review of all the information, it is undisputed that you initiated the discussion of law enforcement’s involvement. During this time you continued to disrupt the school environemnt through your tone and volume. Particularly in light of recent events concerning school violence it is impossible to disregard the impact your conduct in the hallway had on the campus and that it may have been concerning to students and teachers.

Although your conduct was in violation of the NISD Board Policy for visitors, as your conduct interefered with instruction in Emerson’s classroom and other classrooms, no action was taken to restrict you from the campus beyond asking you to temporarily leave the campus that day. In light of these events I have concluded that Mr. H's conduct was appropriate to maintain order on the campus. Further, I have concluded that you were not treated inappropriately on that date.
While I understand that you may disagree with my conclusions, I trust that we can continue to work together in your student’s best interest. Likewise, I trust that the events of March 1 will not be repeated. Prior to that visit I have had no concerns reported concerning your visits to the campus and so I have no reason to anticipate that they will recur. Please be advised, however, that in the future I do expect you to limit your visits to the specific destination identified upon sign-in and that you respect the authroity of administrators and teachers to maintain order on the campus.

Sincerely,
Mrs. S
Principal


Vice principal Mr.H's statement:
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/through-vp-eyes.html

BMC teacher Mrs.G's statement:
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-teacher-tells-her-side.html

And my statement since we're getting all stateMENTAL here:
Part 1:
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/warrior-mom-criminalized.html
Part 2:
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/mommy-buddy-behind-bars.html

Oh! And my nice letter informing them I was coming to observe 2 says BEFORE this March first event.
http://mylittlemartian.blogspot.com/2013/03/a-fluffy-little-letter-to-my-sons-school.html



Sorry if the links don't work. I'm on it!

Taking a stand

Okay, I'm done running. My son is entitled to a public education in the least restrictive environment possible. (LRE) He is entitled to be with educators who know how to Safely handle his disability while still enriching his learning process. I've heard people say I should take him out...that I should change schools...I PAY for this school whether he goes there or not. I'm paying for the education of every student at that school.

What about the children who are still THERE??!! What about the parents who don't know their rights?? What about the kids that already left? or worse, are stuck in some back classroom because they've been deemed UNTEACHABLE??y'all are MY media. I am taking my son to school. He is not sick. I refuse to face any kind of HINT of wrongdoing. If I keep him home, it will be an unexcused absence. It will be because other people are standing in the way of his right to a SAFE education. He is entitled to that by federal law and anyone who gets in the way of that is breaking it, including me.

No. NO. This has to stop. If I have to sit there all day to ensure that he is not harmed, I will. It's come to light that many if his educators do not have autism training.....forgive me but how does THAT happen?? Like a lout, I assumed that he was being CARED FOR by people who had training in his medical disability. I assumed there was a rule. There is not. Or if there is I have not found it, and it's been broken. This has to change.


Okay, I want to make it very clear that what happened with Emerson on Friday was new. He had only been going to this class with this teacher for 3-4 weeks. His school experience, and the people he worked with were/ ARE his family for the last 3 years. We have an ARD on Friday to address his education and if an official from the school can sign off on suspending his IEP to return to his old schedule than I feel he can safely return until this is resolved. Right now I'm waiting at the school to talk to someone.

I will let you all know what Mrs. S decides.

And the dam breaks....

After the widely read blog post "I am Adam Lanza's mother" all I can say, through gut wrenching tears, Dylan Hockley could be my son. I don't think I can ever be the same again. EVER.

Dylan Hockley died in Anne Marie Murphy's arms.

My husband walks into the house to me sobbing. He asks me what is wrong, alarm in his voice. He looks at the computer, "Oh."
 I turn it to him still sobbing. "Read."
He silently obeys. I put my head back on the couch and close my eyes. I wait a minute, then I hear his anticipated anguish. A few minutes pass. It feels like forever. He sits back, tears still steaming down his face, his voice thick,
"I wish we really did live on another planet."

Me too honey. Me too. I want to scoop up my kids and run. I want to hide in a hole. I want to hurt someone. I want to scream. I want to hug every child I pass until my arms give out. I do not want to dwell. I do not want to feel. I want to act. I want to make a difference. I want to feel like I'm moving instead of sitting, doing nothing.

This struck me to my very core(I thought that had already happened but I was wrong) Ignore the devastated woman over here, if you must. I am raw. I am not hiding.

Friday December 14th 2012 was the parent equivalent of 9/11. September llth was the first time in my life time that our country came together in soldiery grief.(or at least the biggest. read here) That was my first experience with tragedy, and soul questioning sorrow. 
It made me ask myself "What is humanity?"

Don't get me wrong, I am not trying to diminish 9/11, but this feels worse. This is innocence attacked. This offends every decent person across the face of the globe. This taps into our primal protective instincts. The cry of the world, not just this country, is our humanity crying out. This is what makes us sentient. This is what makes us alive.
 Love.
 I feel so much love welling out of my body it is painful and it may break me. I feel love for Ann Marie Murphy. I feel love for Dylan Hockley. I feel love for Charlotte Bacon. I feel love for every single child and adult that was present December 14th, those still here in this dim world and those in the light. I feel love for my community. I feel love for my daughter's teacher and my son's teachers ands aides. I feel love for every other human on this planet mourning along with me. I feel love for every child I see. My sorrow is because I love. 

I tried to igonre it because it hurt. I felt it on Friday but Monday broke the dam. Dylan Hockley broke the dam. 

Dylan Hockley could be my son. 

Puzzling out a path

 Having a child diagnosed with Autism
starts by
puzzling out a path
on an otherwise rocky road'
stopping every now and then to help
a fellow lost traveler.
-Tracy Quigley

ASD Fall Fashion

Let's talk about it

Sensational!

October is Sensory Processing Disorder month so here is the Autism Parent Prayer modifyed just for SPD <3

Autism Parent Serenity Prayer

God grant me the Serenity to accept that the world does not understand Autism,

The Courage to take my child out in public anyway,

and the Wisdom to know when it's time to go home. ~

By Tracy Quigley

aka "Mommy Buddy" from the planet Autism